The Old Ones Are The Best

Found some of the old football quotes online again recently. There are a few new ones added, but even some of the old ones made me laugh again.

Don't know how many of them are apocryphal or not, but it doesn't really matter even if they are:

• "That’s great, tell him he’s Pele, and get him back on" – John Lambie, Partick Thistle Manager, when told his concussed striker did not know who he was.
• "The ageless Dennis Wise, now in his thirties" - Martin Tyler.
• Terry Venables - If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing.
• Kevin Keegan - Argentina won’t be at Euro 2000 because they’re from South America.
• "That pass was only an yard away from being inch perfect" Murdo McCleod, who just wouldn't sound the same in metric.
• Metro Radio - Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.
• "Martin O'Neill standing hands on his hips, stroking his chin." - Mike Ingham.
• Tom Ferrie - Dumbarton player Steve McCahill has limped off with a badly cut forehead.
• Reporter: Can I ask you about Augustin Delgado [an underperforming player Strachan had purchased for Southampton] Strachan: I've got more important things to think about. I've got a yogurt to finish by today, the expiry date is today. That can be my priority rather than Augstin Delgado.
• Vinnie Jones - Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win.
• Phil Neville - The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukranians will be more European.
• Ian Rush - I couldn't settle in Italy, it was like living in a foreign country. 
• Ruud Gullit - We must have had 99 per cent of the match. It was the other three per cent that cost us.
• Paul Gascoigne - I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable.
• "With Joey Barton, you know what to expect. He's going to come strong in the tackle and come in your face" - Philippe Senderos
• Glenn Hoddle - When a player gets to 30, so does his body.
• Barry Venison - I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock.
• Bryan Robson - It wasn't going to be our day on the night.
• Lawrie McMenemy - When you are 4-0 up you should never lose 7-1. 
• "He's carrying his left leg, which to be honest is his only leg" Steve Coppell reporting, presumably, from the Paralympic Football Competition.
• David Beckham - I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet.
• Jonathan Woodgate - Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesbrough. 
• David Coleman - If that had gone in, it would have been a goal.
• On being asked what he would be if he wasn't a pro footballer, Peter Crouch replied 'a virgin'.
• Alan Green - It was the game that put the Everton ship back on the road.
• "If you gave Arsene Wenger eleven players today and told him to pick his team, this would be it" Andy Gray leaving the Arsenal boss with little room for manoeuvre.
• "Well, Harry, fifth place last season, how can you better that?" Fergus Sweeney, demonstrating his grasp of the basic principles of league tables.
• Ugo Ehiogu - I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier. 
• Stuart Pearce - I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.
• Peter Jones - Sporting Lisbon in their green and white hoops, looking like a team of zebras.
• Reporter: "Gordon, Can we have a quick word?"  Strachan: "Velocity!"
• Alan Ball - I don't believe in luck... but I do believe you need it.
• "He says he will walk away from the game when his legs go" Andy Gray, never one to hang around when he's outlived his welcome.
• Mark Viduka - I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.
• Ron Atkinson - Well, Clive, it's all about the two M's - movement and positioning.
• Mark Draper - I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona.
• Ron Greenwood - Playing with wingers is more effective against European sides like Brazil, than English sides like Wales.
• "Barnsley have started the way they mean to begin" Chris Kamara easing his way into the game.
• "Chile have three options. They could win or lose." Kevin Keegan, numerically challenged.
• "If I was still at Ipswich I wouldn't be where I am today" Dalian Atkinson showing that there's nothing geographically challenged about him. 
• "It's good to have a new face in the dressing room to bounce things off" Lawrie McMenemy hinting at what may happen to the half time teacups.