Don't Eat Yellow Snow

Okay, that's my first tip out of the way.

Yes people, you've guessed it. I am now a top-class tipster and I suggest you all follow my amazing advice and tips (for a reasonable fee, of course). My ROI is currently 110% (over a defined, selected period of time) and I have a long history of picking winners (I also have a long history of picking losers, but I won't mention those).

Whoops. Can I start that again? I need to make myself sound a bit more "corporate", giving the impression that, perhaps, I am in a group of seasoned professional tipsters. Okay here goes:

WE here at Tips-R-Us have countless years of experience and an unmatched record of success. Join US in a proven, profitable system where results are guaranteed.

Okay, I'll stop talking bollocks and explain what this is all about. I received this comment yesterday:

Hi sir, is there anyway to follow your tips ?

I must say, I like the "sir" bit. Very polite and it gave me a warm, fuzzy feeling inside. Unfortunately, there seems to have been some kind of mistake.

M'lud, I am not now, nor have I ever been, a tipster of any kind. Furthermore, your honour, I do not intend to become a tipster at any time in the future.

Right, I think that's cleared that up. I'm not quite sure how this chap got the impression that I provide tips, as I've never even hinted at doing so. Even if I did, why the hell would anyone want to listen to them? My blog has only been up five minutes, and I have no track record of any kind before it started. If the person who asked this question has read my blog, then they would be fully aware of the abundancy of mental weaknesses that I carry as my burden when it comes to betting and trading. So, if you must seek tipsters, my "tip" for you is to go and look somewhere else.

______________________________

And as if to prove my point, my P&L today has been a bit of a roller-coaster disaster. Started off well, then had a couple of largish losses, followed by some decent wins. Frankly, I'm absolutely amazed to have come away today with a small profit. At one point, I was staring a £300 red in the face. All in all, with the effort I put in today, it's all felt like a waste of my time.

Football: £33.36 | Tote: |  Total P&L:  £33.36 

 

Football Showing 1 - 10 of 10 markets

Market Start time Settled date Profit/loss (£)
Football / Cardiff v Liverpool : ET - Correct Score 26-Feb-12 16:00  26-Feb-12 18:34  42.90
Football / Cardiff v Liverpool : Over/Under 2.5 goals 26-Feb-12 16:00  26-Feb-12 17:59  -7.64
Football / Cardiff v Liverpool : Correct Score 26-Feb-12 16:00  26-Feb-12 17:58  3.81
Football / Cardiff v Liverpool : Match Odds 26-Feb-12 16:00  26-Feb-12 17:56  100.47
Football / Arsenal v Tottenham : Match Odds 26-Feb-12 13:30  26-Feb-12 15:27  38.03
Football / Arsenal v Tottenham : Over/Under 4.5 Goals 26-Feb-12 13:30  26-Feb-12 14:45  -185.29
Football / St Pauli v Braunschweig : Correct Score 26-Feb-12 12:30  26-Feb-12 14:23  -82.62
Football / Paderborn v Eintracht Frankfurt : Correct Score 26-Feb-12 12:30  26-Feb-12 14:21  50.46
Football / Arsenal v Tottenham : Over/Under 3.5 Goals 26-Feb-12 13:30  26-Feb-12 14:16  22.78
Football / Inverness CT v Rangers : Correct Score 26-Feb-12 12:45  26-Feb-12 14:15  50.46

... One last point. I absolutely do NOT want to discuss the Arsenal v Spurs match. I switched it off well before the end and went out to wash my car. I felt like throwing myself under it. The only sensible thing I can say about the match is fuck, shit, piss, wank, hairy bollocks and smelly snatches to the lot of you.

Two people were walking past a cemetery when one of them stopped and pointed out one of the graves.
"In that plot lies a good man and an Arsenal supporter", he said.
"Jesus!", exclamed the other man, "I didn't know they were putting two people in one grave now!"